Elevate your space with With Self’s signature Linen Spray.
Our Lifted scent has an energizing aroma that will help you focus + feel invigorated. With hints of Eucalyptus and Ylang Ylang, this aromatic blend can be used to refresh bed linen, blankets, towels, and other fabrics.
With Self believes aromatherapy is a great tool to use in your every day self-care practice. Our homemade, made to order formula is the perfect way to create a luxury, aromatherapeutic experience that is non-toxic and suitable for all ages. Eucalyptus and Ylang Ylang can help provide clarity, uplift your mood and promote peaceful energy.
Key ingredients: distilled water, witch hazel, Eucalyptus essential oil, Ylang Ylang essential oil, in a reusable glass bottle.
Orders ship in 3-5 business days.
Elevate your space with With Self’s signature Linen Spray.
Our Unwind scent has a calming aroma that will help you relax + unwind. With hints of Lavender and Bergamot, this aromatic blend can be used to refresh bed linen, blankets, towels, and other fabrics.
With Self believes aromatherapy is a great tool to use in your every day self-care practice. Our homemade, made to order formula is the perfect way to create a luxury, aromatherapeutic experience that is non-toxic and suitable for all ages. The use of Lavender and Bergamot can help reduce anxiety + stress, combat insomnia, and promotes relaxation.
Key ingredients: distilled water, witch hazel, Lavender essential oil, Bergamot essential oil, in a reusable glass bottle.
Orders ship in 3-5 business days.
The Seasonal Self-Care Survival Guide: Digital Workbook was specially created for the Fall + Winter seasons. Anaston J. Scott, J.D. wanted to create a resource for those who might be experiencing seasonal mood changes; however, this digital workbook will help anyone who wants to focus attention on their self-care practice. Your electronic PDF will be emailed to you within twenty four (24) hours of purchase.
Seasonal mood changes are definitely a “thing”, beloved. This digital workbook will help you navigate those changes + implement activities into your self-care practice that will leave you feeling well taken care of.
Anaston walks you through the steps you need to take to adequately take care of yourself this season. This digital workbook includes 30+ pages of helpful insight, therapeutic writing exercises and activities that will help you make self-care your lifestyle.
(This blog post was originally written in January of 2020, and due to a lot of life happening I did not post it on time. I decided to keep this post pretty much in original form, with a few revisions. The words still hold true, even in April.)
Now that 2019 has come to a close, I am beyond excited about the fresh start that 2020 will bring. Beginning a new year + a new decade feels like the start of something new, would you not agree? But in order to make room for the new things, you have to walk away from the old.
If you are like me, you probably had to let a lot go to close out the year. Despite whatever cliches people claim they do not follow, I always use the end of a year as an opportunity to shed things that are no longer serving me. Be it clothes, shoes, food, or even relationships, it all has to go!
2019 was a rather strange year for me in terms of my relationships with others. I suffered a lot of unexpected loss, honestly. My uncle passed in April, which set a series of events in motion that changed me tremendously and set my world on fire. You see, family has always been very important to me, but my family environment had become very toxic. (I know this is a term that has been so overwhelmingly used in 2019, so bare with me.) In addition to the usual, run of the mill family issues, we were sweeping some deep rooted issues under the rug. The rug was so lifted off the ground because of all of the chaos swept under it, that I finally reached my breaking point.
So I broke. As a result, so did a few of my non-familial relationships. During a time when I needed people the most, the ones I thought I could count on were no where to be found. And when the dust settled, I was met with a lack of empathy + a ton of dislike that had been hidden for so long.
So, I had to sit down and have a conversation with myself about how I wanted to navigate relationships moving forward. Just because things did not work out with a few people did not mean that I could risk abandoning ship and leaving friendships in the wind forever. So, I traded in my old way of doing things, and I learned what I need to do differently. I had to come to terms with the fact that I needed to let some things, and some people, go…for real this time.
The biggest lesson I have learned is that sometimes a door needs to stay closed, no matter who is knocking. I am the queen of second, and third, and fourth chances. I will forgive people and let them right back into my life no matter what wrong has been done. I try to give others the same grace I would want myself, so it is hard for me to stop letting people circle back around. The circle back does not serve me though. Nine times out of ten the relationship continues to display the same patterns as before, and someone ends up hurt. (Mostly me.) On the other hand, I too need to end the “circle back.” I will go searching for people I have not talked to in years to try to rekindle + rebuild something that is dead and gone. But why? Why do I have such a hard time letting go? I am still figuring this out, but I know sometimes I need to be left alone and leave others alone too.
If you never called, never sent a text, never showed up, would you still be friends? This is a hard pill to swallow, too. But I really do not think it’s fair to be the only person putting forth effort in any relationship. The level of effort may change, there will be give and take, but if someone is putting forth no effort at all…you know everything you need to know. Test it out. If you stop texting or calling a person first and you never hear from them again, you might want to keep it that way.
You can tell the story without tainting the characters. This one pretty much speaks for itself, right? Expressing how you feel about a person or a situation that occurred with said person does not have to diminish or defile their character. They are allowed to still be a good person, a good friend, good at what they do, etc. In the same breath, you can, in fact, tell the facts of a story without remotely getting your feelings involved. Let people decide for themselves, beloved. When you talk about a person enough, you start to influence how other people view them and feel about them. Now all of a sudden your venting session has ignited animosity within another person who has nothing to do with the situation at hand. It is hard to keep a neutral party, when only one side of the story is being told, and it is negative. Being on the receiving end of this has taught me to also be careful with who I talk to about an issue or challenge with someone else. Intermingling separate relationships like that can be a recipe for disaster. Most of the time it really is no one else’s business but you + the other person involved. So I check myself before I start telling someone a “story” and ask myself “what is your end goal?.” If I just want to be heard, I probably need to save the conversation for my therapist.
Everyone has their version of the same story, but the truth will always come to light. I am learning to stop defending myself when it comes to the things other people have to say about me, and man, this is hard. Although I am far from perfect and find myself making mistakes, it bothers me when people try to paint a false narrative about me. I honestly think it would bother anyone who is human. After defending myself and my character over so many years, it has become exhausting. People are going to believe what they want to anyways, so why waste the time trying to convince them otherwise?
Ask for what you need. As great of a communicator that I think I am, I have realized that I tend to hold a lot inside. This is mostly because I process things emotionally a lot quicker than others, and it is often hard for me to communicate with people who choose not to address their own emotions. I will let many small things turn into big things and eventually air out all of my grievances, leaving the other person confused. I have adopted some passive aggressive behaviors that I am beginning to notice and address. In order to receive what I require of the relationships in my life, I have to express those needs.
Learn your people’s love languages. I started sending my friends the quiz to find out what their love languages are. I know that I can be a great friend, but if I am not loving someone how they need, it really does not matter how great I think I am. I want to make sure that I really am living up to the “great friend” standard, so I am working on paying more attention to what others say they need from me and being okay with doing just that. I think I try to love people how I want to be loved or how I think they should be loved, and over time I have realized this is quite counter productive.
Speaking of love languages and needs, it is okay to teach people. I have talked about this concept on both Twitter and Instagram—society has convinced us that we are above teaching people how to love us and how to be there for us. This train of thinking destructs relationships before they even begin. People do not have the blueprint for you when the first meet you. They do not know what you need. You have to show them and give them the opportunity to rise to the occasion. This also means that you have to know what you need, but that is a conversation for a later time…
Forfeit the battle to win the war. Sometimes it just is not worth it, okay? I have had many minor issues with friends that caused the end of a relationship when things could have gone differently. You have to decide what is important—the relationship itself or being right? It may be better to agree to disagree than throw away a forever friend over a temporary situation or disagreement. Losing my uncle affirmed for me that life really is short, and some things just do not matter in the grand scheme of things.
So I am sitting down with myself + the people (figuratively) who have to go. I am being honest, vulnerable, and direct. I am taking ownership for my mistakes and wrong doings and I am saying goodbye. Because the truth is, although I let a lot of the wrong people get too comfortable with me in 2019, I really got too comfortable with myself. I am making those necessary corrections now, shout out to Rob Hill Sr.
What, or who, are you sitting down with? Part II of this blog post will discuss the habits + lifestyle practices that I assessed closing out the year and the changes I needed to make. It is healthy to check in with yourself + your relationships when entering into a new phase of life. While you can use the fresh start as a chance to do things differently, do not be afraid to make those changes at any time. A fresh start can be a new hour, new year, new decade.
So it’s almost the end of 2019, & we are still riding the self-care wave. When I first started writing about self-care back in 2016, I was hoping taking care of yourSELF would become more than just a trend–deep down, I wanted to start a movement. I wanted to inspire others to end self-neglect and start taking care of their “Star Player.”
I’m not sure where we have landed, but I feel like an update on my self-care sentiments is necessary.
Before we start to dig deep though, let’s clear one thing up—self-care is anything that you do to take care of yourSELF. It is that simple, beloved. Whatever refuels you, makes you feel good, tends to your needs, is self-care. Self-care is, quite simply, what you make it.
With that being said, it is also important to note that self-care is not always going to look the same. Think of self-care as a journey and not a specific destination. On Monday you might need one thing, and by the end of the week you might need something else. That is okay. The only “finish line” is to maintain a healthy self-care routine–you should always be well taken care of.
I have an issue with posts that tell people that self-care is not “this” or “that”, when whatever aforementioned activity actually could be self-care for that person, at that time.
For example, I always see quotes, memes, etc. on social media that say “self-care is not bubble baths, massages, shopping trips…” Who came up with that rule? Why are bubble baths not self-care? You mean to tell me a massage is not taking care of myself? A shopping trip cannot make me feel better? Eh, I have to disagree with that one.
I recently became a homeowner and have spent the last few weeks moving items from my apartment to my new home. Eek! Outside of the mental stress I experienced during the home buying process, my body has been under a lot of physical stress from the move. I have been lifting heavy objects, organizing, spending a lot of time sitting down or on my feet, etc. My body is tired. Since I am in a brand new home, where no one has ever been in the bathtubs, I decided that I would take a bubble bath for the first time in years. Here’s what that bubble bath taught me:
Bubble baths are, in fact, self-care.
1. There are mental + physical benefits of taking a bubble bath.
Bubble baths are a great way to relax. Studies show that bubble baths promote muscle relaxation, release tension, and increase blood flow. This relaxation combined with the warm water is a recipe for a great night’s sleep. Because our bodies decrease in temperature while we sleep, a warm bath helps increase that drop in temperature. This helps produce melatonin and should make resting a lot easier. Speaking of warm water, bubble baths can make you sweat. If you need a detox, why not use your body’s own natural process? If you soak in hot enough water, your body will begin to sweat, which happens to be great for your lymphatic system. Bubble baths produce serotonin, which is the brain chemical associated with happiness. A nice soak allows your brain to decompress and relax after a long, thought-filled day.
If you’re looking for more information on the health benefits a bubble bath can provide, check out this article I read from Shape here.
2. You only get one body + eventually she will get tired.
I did not realize how depleted I was until I laid back in that bathtub. My body was aching and I had little to no energy. All I could do was just sit there. When I first started the moving process, I thought I was Super Woman. I was lifting + carrying some of the heaviest items, making multiple trips up and down the hallway and stairs (multiple flights of stairs, and multiple trips thanks to the crappy elevator at the apartment complex where I lived. That is another story for a different day though), and sleeping on an air mattress (I wanted to move all of the small things first and then had to wait two weeks to move my bed, thanks to that same crappy elevator). Eventually, all of this caught up to my body. My back was hurting, my legs + arms were sore, and I was exhausted. In hind sight, I should have taken more time to rest. I should have soaked in the bathtub more and allowed my body to recuperate after putting so much pressure on it. I am happy that I was able to physically do all that I did though, my body really made me proud.
3. Just breathe.
While taking the first bubble bath in my new bathtub, I almost passed out…I am being a bit dramatic, but the water was literally so hot that I could not breathe. I had to get out of the tub and grab my water bottle just to be able to enjoy the bubble bath.
If I could count how many melt downs and crying spells I had during the home buying + moving process, I would not have enough fingers to count on. This was an extremely emotional, stressful, nerve-wrecking process. There were so many moments where I felt defeated, was angry, and wanted to give up. I literally had to tell myself to breathe just to move through whatever challenge I was facing. This experience served as a lesson that I just need to breathe + trust God. It all works out in the end.
Still think bubble baths are not self-care? Then don’t take my word for it, try it for yourSELF. My bubble bath recipe includes my favorite bubble bath soap/body wash + epsom salt + a candle lit bathroom + a glass of water + some meditative music. Combine all of that and you will have the ultimate self-care practice.
What is your favorite self-care practice? I challenge you to spend some time doing that today. Think about whatever makes you feel the best, and do it. Simple as that.
“If you’re committed to being your best self, being in tune with your body, your mind, & your spirit, then it’s time you start your own self-care journey.” x Anaston Jeni
I have been working on a self-care activity for my coaching clients called “the emotional suitcase.” I was first introduced to this concept by Alex Elle and decided to adapt it not only for my clients, but also for myself.
If you were unaware, I am here to tell you: life can be challenging. As we journey through our own personal experiences, trauma and emotions tend to follow. We start to carry “things” around with us that shape who we are, how we feel, and how we navigate being. These emotions get stuffed into our emotional suitcase and start to take up room. Unless we intentionally unpack and evaluate what we are carrying around, we end up not having room for other emotions that we may need to carry. Before you know it, your suitcase is full. Maybe you have added another suitcase, and another suitcase, and now you are carrying around all this “stuff.”
Think of this concept like this–when you travel, you pack items according to where you are going and maybe who you are going with. When you return from your trip, you unpack so your suitcase is ready for the next adventure. So why not unpack emotions the same way? In order to live life as the best version of yourself, you have to consistently unpack & pack the suitcase.
While working on this activity and reflecting on my own suitcase, I realized that sometimes other people try to pack my suitcase for me. This is not healthy, by the way. If you let someone else pack for you before you go on a trip, is it not likely that they will forget something you need or pack the wrong items altogether?
In life, when other people try to pack your suitcase for you this often looks like someone trying to influence how you feel. They may try to explicitly tell you how you should feel or express how they feel so much that now their energy has spilled over into yours.
For example, there may be a shared experience that I am not stressed or worried about, but after talking to a person about the same experience, I am now stressed and worried just because they are. They have now packed an emotion in my suitcase, and I am stuck carrying it.
Moment of transparency: I have opened my emotional suitcase and am looking at all the emotions I have been carrying around. The biggest, and heaviest, is resentment. Resentment is defined as “bitter indignation at having been treated unfairly.” Now, do not get me wrong, I am not a bitter person; however, I do recognize that there are some bitter feelings regarding some of the relationships in my life. This prevents me from moving forward with people at times, despite having worked through whatever issues we had previously faced. It also makes it hard for me to see them in a different light, because I am reminded of how I was treated. I recognize that I need to work on this, though, because I do not want anyone harboring resentment against me. But more importantly, I do not want to be bitter in any form or fashion.
Not every emotion in your suitcase has to be negative. There are positive emotions that can be packed, and it is imperative that you make room for these as well. That is why the consistent unpacking process is so valuable. Once you unpack everything you need to be able to pack emotions that will better serve you.
Personally, peace is an example of a positive emotion that has been tucked away in my suitcase. I say tucked away because it is not something that I have always packed and it took me time to recognize that it was even there. Even though I still experience anxiety and stress, it is a lot easier for me to have peace because I am making an effort to remain calm. Things always work out according to God’s plan in the end, so it does help the journey if I am not as worried or fearful.
What is in your emotional suitcase? Stress, anxiety, grief, or anger may be taking up space. You might be surprised and find love, joy, and understanding in there too. If this concept is new to you, it is time to do some work. Set some time in your schedule so that you can truly pay attention to this activity. You owe it to yourself. Life will always have ups and downs, but if you pack what you need, you will always be prepared for the ride.
“Bag lady, you gon’ hurt your back, dragging all them bags like that…One day, all them bags gon’ get in your way.” x Erykah Badu
I have been working on my morning routine for at least the last three years. Why? Because I loathe having a routine, and I am absolutely not a morning person.
Sure, we do the same, basic tasks every morning–wash our face, brush our teeth, get dressed, etc. This is, at the most basic level, a morning routine. So, I figured it would be easy to create a morning routine for myself; however, I wanted to choose activities that would actually make an impact on my day. For most of us, our day starts bright and early, so it is important to spend those first couple of hours after you wake to set the tone for a quality day.
To keep my morning routine simple, I have chosen three activities that I need to practice in order to start my day the right way.
1. Make my bed
I am sure you have heard that completing this simple task can have a positive affect on your day. Our parents made sure we made our beds daily as children, but I wonder did they know how beneficial this task truly is. Naval Admiral William McRaven gave a speech at The University of Texas at Austin back in 2014 where he explained that making your bed sets the tone for your day. Accomplishing the first task of the day allows you to enter into a space of productivity and makes it easier to accomplish other tasks throughout the day. When I make my bed in the morning it gives me confidence that I can tackle whatever else comes at me during the day, and it also gives me a peace of mind from my OCD. If my bed is made my room feels that much more clean and organized. This starts my day off calmly, and I feel grounded in the space where I spend much of my time. This small act, which only takes a minimal amount of time, is critical in my commitment to taking care of myself.
2. Meditate + Pray
Before I even place my feet on the carpet, I thank God for waking me up and blessing me with a new day. I ask Him to cover me, my loved ones and others, as we travel to and from different destinations and interact with different people. I talk to Him about my worries and the challenges I might encounter that day. I also read a devotional to ensure I am getting some time to interact with His Word. I really try to be intentional about spending time with God at the beginning of each day, because I know it is important to both Him and me. If I give my day to Him, I know He will be there with me every step of the way.
Meditating is always great after a good prayer! I discuss the benefits of meditation in a previous post, and you can read it here: Self Care ’17.Honestly, I am still working on being consistent with this part of my practice, so I aim for at least five minutes in the morning before I leave my apartment. As someone who experiences anxiety, this really helps me feel grounded as well, and gives me a sense of calmness before my day fully begins.
This is a new morning activity for me that has been challenging to implement. I have been reading this workbook called The Artist’s Way, and it talks about developing a “morning pages” practice. It suggests that you spend a little time every morning and write three pages of whatever comes to mind. This is supposed to free up space in your mind for all of the important things you have to spend mental energy on, and it is supposed to help spark creativity. It is hard to be consistent with this practice when I wake up late or do not have a lot of time to get ready, but I am dedicated to making the commitment to myself. As a creative and someone who expresses herself through writing, I know it can be beneficial for me daily and long term.
I also talk about the benefits of journaling in general in the post linked above.
What do you need to do in the morning to start your day? A quick, hot shower, a face mask or a facial massage, or listening to a podcast are a few suggestions that you may want to try. Hitting the gym, doing yoga, or talking to a loved one are great activities, too. Like I always say, do what works best for you! Ask yourself what you need and implement activities that will help you put your best foot forward.
Whatever the day is for, the foundation is laid in the morning. x Anaston Jeni
This is a printable PDF guide created by Anaston J. Scott, J.D. for those interested in self-care. Your copy will be emailed to you within twenty four (24) hours of purchase.
Anaston J. Scott J.D. created this toolkit with you in mind. This printable PDF guide is for anyone who values taking care of themselves. If you are ready to start doing the work, you have taken the first step! Spend some time “with self” and make self-care a part of your lifestyle.
The Toolkit defines what self•care is, provides detailed steps on building your self•care practice, and includes exercises/activities to aid you in doing the work.
“Journaling has been a staple in my self-care routine before I knew that “self-care” was a concept. As my self-care practices have changed over the years, it has become more of a necessary and cherished activity. I have always enjoyed writing, in general, but using writing as a tool of emotional expression has allowed me to reach a level of intimacy with myself that I have always yearned for. Writing has allowed me to dig deep and really get to know who I am.”
Want more? Click hereto read the rest of this article in collaboration with Atiya Bloom of The Bloom Blog.
I am so excited to share my first official feature as a guest blogger on the Millennial Insights Blog. I have been creating content for a few years now, both for myself and for other brands, but this is my first writing opportunity where I received any “credit”. I am so grateful that Evan and Tariq saw fit to extend this opportunity to me! If you are interested in what three factors I believe contribute to a quality employee experience, click the link below.